the bittersweet symphony of life

It has been 2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day since my life has changed 🙂 Took some time off mum duties to sit here at Starbucks to jot down my birth story before I start forgetting them.

Prior to THE DAY, I was already going in and out of the hospital for a total of 4 times.

Week 38 (30 Oct) – Lack of fetal movement. All was good.

Week 38+2 (1 Nov) – Routine check for contraction. Nothing yet.

Week 39+2 (8 Nov) – Routine check for contraction. Nothing yet.

Last preggers picture taken on 9th November. Total weight gained was 7kg. Wee happy that it’s below my target of 10kg.

Week 39+4 (10 Nov) – The day before, I had stomach ache twice followed by diarrhoea. Is this a sign of labour? Oh well, continue monitoring I shall. Then, on 10th November morning, I had a light pink discharge. Did I just lose my mucus plug? Called my gynae and was told to head to hospital for CTG and she wished me luck. I wasn’t in pain so I was hoping they would send me home cause I didn’t want to be strapped down. Would rather induce my labour naturally at home with more squats, walks and pineapples.

My CTG showed that I was having regular contraction already peaking at 60. But I was not feeling anything hmm.

The nurse also did a dilation check and I’m only 0.5cm dilated FML. Told my gynae I was feeling OK and would like to go home so she discharged me.

Week 39+5 (11 Nov) – THE DAY

12am – Clock striked midnight. Time to cart out my shopping loots cause it’s 11.11 sales.

8:20am – Had been having (more like feeling it) contractions the entire night. Hubs kept asking if we should head to the hospital. Only decided to head to hospital when I had a bloody show. Contractions were coming at 6 minutes apart, around 1 minute long.

9:44am – Quickly made breakfast, washed my hair and pack my hospital bag between each contraction.

11am – Was strapped on for CTG for 2 hours. Contraction was coming strong and hitting 100 at times. Did dilation check by the nurse and was only 1cm dilated 😦 I felt like all the pineapples I had been having did not work at all!

1pm – Gynae (through nurse) asked me to go back and pack my hospital bag, have a nice meal and admit at 6pm.

1:52pm – My so-called nice meal at Thirdwave, Bangsar South. I was in so much pain, I did not care what I eat.

After lunch, we went to Mid Valley to have a walk hoping it will help me to dilate further. With each contraction, I held on to hubs tightly. Couldn’t walk anymore, so we chilled at Secret Recipe instead. He kept insisting to go back to hospital but even at that moment, I can still be very kiamsap and insist to wait till 5pm cause that’s when the hospital starts charging flat rate for parking haha.

5pm – Admitted to labour ward. Strapped on to CTG (again). Max contraction reading was 117. Why is my back aching so badly??? (Later on, I’ve been told that baby was actually facing outwards. So her back was actually against my spine. This is the reason why my back was hurting like shit with each contraction.) Hubby went down to make payment and registered.

5:16pm – Still all smiles 🙂

5:35pm – Did ve (again). 1cm!!!!!! !@#$%^

6:00pm – Gynae came. When she walked in the door, I was smiling happily cause still feeling positive and all but she had a stern face on.

Gynae: Girl, we need to chop chop chop

Immediately, I burst into tears. Although I was opened to having an emergency c-sec, I was still hoping for a normal delivery of course. To be told that I need to go through c-sec now, I was feeling so sad and disappointed. I felt like I’ve been robbed the chance to even TRY. I did my weekly swims. I did my daily walks. I ate loads of pineapples. I bounced on exercise ball. I did everything I could.

Gynae: Are you crying because we need to go through a c-sec?

I nodded.

My gynae then sat beside me showing me her phone with all my CTG charts. She took her time to slowly explained to me why we had to do it. She has been monitoring me since my first hospital visit but did not mention anything about my condition, to avoid unnecessary worries. Apparently, my baby has not been reacting to my contractions. Her heartbeat has been ‘too stable’, even when my contraction was hitting a high. I did not know, at that time, this was not a good sign. Baby was very tired in my womb and we need to get her out. There was also one dip of heartbeat which she was very concern about. I have been having contraction for 2 days and only 1cm dilated. Things were not looking good.

Since it was a Sunday, to do an operation would cost double. So, she suggest to wait till Monday morning.

She then proceeded to do another dilation check. Still 1cm but my cervix has soften. She also press my belly and said baby is not too big.

Gynae: OK, I will let you try for natural since baby is not too big. Should be less than 3kg. I will come back tomorrow 5 in the morning. If things do not progress, we will have to operate. Have your dinner, walk up and down the stairs, ask for epidural when you can’t stand the pain anymore and take a rest. You will need all the energy. All the best.

6:28pm – Dinner at hospital. This was supposed to provide me the energy I needed? 😛

7:20pm – Yes, I brought my birth ball along. Bounce baby bounce.

7:40pm – Changed into my hospital gown. Nurse inserted a pill up my bum to clear my bowel. I tried to hold as long as I could. Probably lasted for less than 2 minutes before needed to run to the toilet. That thing was so efficient. Also, since I had Group B Strep Infection, I had to be injected with my first dose of antibiotics.

8:00pm – Went out of labour room and walk up and down the hospital stairs. Lasted for less than one hour because when each contraction came, I was squatting on the floor. Couldn’t even stand still.

8:30pm – Went back to labour room and quickly asked the nurse to call the anaesthesiologist to give me my epidural!!! Was provided a form to sign and passed it to husby cause this woman in so much pain and you want her to read through all those shit?

I had one of the longest wait in my life. Apparently, there are some monitoring checklist that needs to be fulfilled before they could call the anaes. I was being strapped on (again). Baby was not responding (again). They kept changing my position and moving my stomach so that baby will provide some response. After what felt like eternity, she finally responded. Her heart rate was showing some patterns.

From here onwards, it was quite a blur to me cause all I remembered was being very much in pain. With each contraction, I was holding on to my bedside railing and moaning. Maybe even shouting at the end cause I really needed that epidural! All these while husby was giving me back rubs.

9:00pm – Finally anaes came. Felt like I’m seeing a halo light over her head. She had a very calm aura. Was told to curl up at the edge of my bed with my legs being supported by the chair. Kept reminding myself to be very still because I have heard many horror stories about epidural gone wrong. We waited for the next contraction to be over to begin the epidural process. When the needle is being injected into my spine, I could feel a very cold liquid going through my back. Slowly my body started to feel numb. I was at ease. Even asked the husby if the monitor is showing contractions cause I can feel NOTHING! Ahh, such bliss. I would call this happidural instead. The anaes was explaining to me that after having the epidural, my body will relax and hopefully will dilate further. I was experiencing one of the side effects of epidural as well, shaking uncontrollably but that’s not a big deal. She wished us good night and all the best.

9:30pm – Jeng jeng jeng! My gynae suddenly appeared at the door when my anaes was about to leave! She was monitoring me from her home and was not feeling comfortable with my readings. So, she had to come and see me while the anaes was still around. She came to perform artificial rupture of membranes (ARM) aka breaking of waters to help quicken the process. My gynae later on told me that my anaes was shock about it because performing ARM with 1cm dilation apparently is not common?

When my gynae broke my water bag, what came out was water with slight poop (light green) in it. Baby has passed motion in my womb! She asked hubs to have a look as well. I guess she needed someone to verify that there is indeed poop. Such expensive poop. In such situation, it’s a no brainer. We immediately needed to go for c-sec. At this point, I took it very well actually. Anything for the safety of my baby. No time to be stubborn.

Nurses were quick in action. They cleaned and shaved me. My gynae was telling the nurses to make sure it’s an extremely clean shave to avoid extra charges in the operating theater. I remembered her complaining about how blunt the shaver was lol.

Then, I was being wheeled in to the OT which was in another floor. Outside the OT room, I was being asked to sign another document while they bring hubs to change into the OT gown. From my hospital bed, I was being carried to the operating bed. They put a blue curtain in front of me. My anaes was by my side the entire time to check on me. It was really cold in the OT so I had a hot air blower that blows into my hospital gown. Later on, hubs joined me by my side.

While my gynae and another assisting gynae was operating me, hubs was being extremely quiet.

Me: Are you ok?

Hubs: Yea

Me: Can you see what’s going on?

Hubs: Yea

2nd gynae: (pulls blue curtain) There’s nothing to see here. Please talk to your wife.

He saw them cutting me opened! HAHAHA! Serious unbelievable la! I passed him my camera to video and take pictures of the labour process and there were ZERO stuff in my camera. It was hung around his neck for no purpose the entire time.

After a short while, I can feel them pushing my stomach real hard to get the baby out. Not long after, I heard her cries T___T I couldn’t control my tears and were crying as well. Someone in the background also shouted 11:12pm which was the time of her birth. Since she has poop in my womb, she was immediately passed to the paediatrician to be checked if all is well. So thankful that she did not consume any of her own poop and there was no need to be admitted to NICU. She was then passed to us for a brief moment and our anaes helped us to take some family pictures.

11:17pm – One of our first family picture with our gynaes

After 10 minutes, husby left the OT with baby while they continued to stitch me up. I was being wheeled to the recovery room for monitoring. During this 3 hours, I slept through it cause I was dead tired by then.

Meanwhile, baby was wheeled to the nursery and was being checked thoroughly by my paed. Once done, baby was then passed to hubs for skin-to-skin for 30 minutes. According to hubs, baby was crying for the whole 30 minutes hahaha and there’s nothing he can do so just let her lie on his chest.

2:22am – Finally back to my room and had skin-to-skin with baby

As a first time mum, so glad that each time the nurse brought baby to me, they will teach me how to breastfeed and make sure she latches correctly before leaving the room. They taught me the cradle and football positions. I’m so proud at how well she latches, even for her first time. It feels amazing 🙂 We went to bed at 3am that day.

During this period, she was brought into the room every 2 hours for nursing even though my milk has not kicked in yet.

On the next day, 12th November, my gynae came in the morning (7am?) to check on me and I started tearing again thanking her for coming back to us and keeping both mother and child safe. Baby was in distress; her (huge) head was stuck at my pelvis for quite some time resulting bruises on her face and causing subconjunctival hemorrhages (red streaks in her eyeball). My uterus, on the other hand, was apparently very bloody and wasn’t looking too good as well. I can’t remember the details but I think she mentioned that she inserted 2 stuff into my body before sewing me up to prepare my body for the next pregnancy. She also advised hubs to say yes to me all the time and give emotional support cause I might be depressed for the next 2 weeks 😛

After gynae left, hubs went to sign consent form to allow the hospital to provide formula milk to baby since my milk has not kicked in still. Saw them feeding her using a cup to avoid nipple confusion.

While hubs was away for breakfast, the nurses cleaned me up. Felt really good to be in a clean(er) state. There were a few moments where I felt deeply vulnerable. This was one of them. Also, I was probably in my worst state ever in front of hubs as well. I needed help to pee, I needed help to change my pad as well. Will he see me differently, in a negative way, after this? I thought to myself.

Later on, they removed my catheter and it was important for me to take my first pee. I had my first pee with the help of 2 nurses and hubs. It was intimidating to take my first step out of the bed. On my 2nd and 3rd attempt, with only the help of hubs, my whole body started shivering uncontrollably as it couldn’t take the pain. I felt like I was about to faint. Luckily, hubs managed to get the nurse in time to help me back to bed. My temperature took a dip and I felt better after being warmed.

On 13th November, gynae came and gave the green light to me to be discharged. Paed also gave green light for baby to be discharged.

3:25pm – Leaving hospital with our new bundle of joy

So, that’s it for my birth story 🙂